When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
