OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
