I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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