Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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