My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
