I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
