Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
