so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
