he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
pray to the hookup gods
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
