I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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