Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
