Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
