I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
