apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
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The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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