I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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