the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
