is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
