i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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