so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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