Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
