Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
