He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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