things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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