i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
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I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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