Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
