I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
