I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
