you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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