dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
