If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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