I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
