Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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