Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
