I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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