just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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