You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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