I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
