Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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