so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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