im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
