I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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