dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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