Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Someone shattered a urinal.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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