How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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