But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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