I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
