Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
