Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
