Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
