So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
