We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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