Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
