Fine. I'll sleep in my office
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
