You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
But break dance skills will only take you so far
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
