she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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