i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
