mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
