I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
