I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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