dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing