it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
