so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
