I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.