had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
