Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
