having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
