I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
