she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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