did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's shark week go big or go home
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
