I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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