u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
