she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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