I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
When are your genitals available?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
