Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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