Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.