is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Are we still banned from the library?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
