I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!