Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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