): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.