I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
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I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?