I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
