So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
