How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
