i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
