How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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