i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
