last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
