Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
