i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
