HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
